So I'm no longer completely irrational wanting to bite the heads off of anything and everything... phew!
I had bloodwork done this morning, should get the results this afternoon, lets hope the HCG is about out of my system. It has to be below 5 in order for me to start trying again.
I got to talk to a nurse today which made me feel a little better. I told her I know in my "right mind" that I didn't do anything to cause the miscarriage (m/c from here on out) and there was nothing I could do to stop it once it started happening... but in my emotional mind I have "what ifs" and need a medical professional to tell me they are nonsense. So I told her about the switch to prenatals and she said I was right, the prenatal would not cause a m/c. And I told her I kept drinking a cup of coffee and she said that was fine too. She told me I need to stop the what ifs, even if it's hard, because you can't heal thinking the what ifs, BUT it's perfectly normal to have them.
And she said that 25% of pregnancies end in m/c and I shouldn't feel that it's the end. She also said that I should have no doubts in my mind that the next pregnancy will be a success. She said rarely do they happen a 2nd time, when there isn't an obvious problem and if, by chance, it does they'll start aggressive testing to find out why it did.
Then I asked why some dr's make you wait 3 months after a m/c and my dr said we could try my next cycle. She clarified that it's usually a gyn that says 3 months but fertility dr's do so much more extensive monitoring that there really isn't a need to wait. She said gyn's do it because of dating and being able to date the pregnancy better because they don't monitor as much and she even went as far as saying their equipment (at the fert. clinic) is even higher tech so they are able to know what stages the baby is at way before a gyn. That was reassuring too.
So all in all feeling much better, however the last post really helped in the healing process by not bottling up my emotions. I know I don't always need to be strong and I don't have to put on a front for people, I just need to remember that!
I'm back to work now... I think it's for the best. Start getting my mind on other things... auction season is right around the corner so time will start flying by and before I know it I'll be in the throws of another IUI cycle and getting pregnant again! I just know it!
Thanks for letting me vent!