Friday, June 18, 2010

To My Husband, Chris...

To my Husband, with all my heart and soul…

Happy 2nd Father’s Day to the most amazing husband and father!

Chris,

I want to honor you by sharing some wonderful memories with everyone, so here is my blog devoted especially to you.

Remember back in 1997 (holy, 13 years ago!) my friend Christine invited me to spend my summer in Pittsfield, Massachusetts with her and she’d get me a job at McDonald’s. I began working at McDonald’s in May of 1997 as a summer job and I worked nights part time so that I could also work part time as a housekeeper at Oak N’ Spruce Resorts as well. Christine warned me right off to watch out for “those 2” as she introduced me to you and Alan Guinen. I think that’s what set the wheels in motion. Instantly you got even cuter to me because you were a “bad boy”.

It wasn’t long before the flirting started… purely innocent flirty, as you did have a steady girlfriend. Well, it STARTED innocently enough. It didn’t take long before there was a real attraction between us, and hey, I was only going to be in Pittsfield for about 3 months.

Before we even realized it, there were more feelings than a summer fling between us. I think we hung out maybe 3 or 4 times, for just a few hours each and I was falling for you. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t stop it. I remember sitting in my Ford Escort with you, looking at the stars, and both of us were really quiet. You asked what was wrong, I said, “Nothing” and our phrase “That’s not a nothing, nothing” was born. I remember laying my head on you and telling you that I didn’t want to tell you what I was thinking, you looked into my eyes and said “It’s OK, I know”. And I knew you felt what I was feeling.

Never in a million years did I think I could fall in love so quickly and so deeply. Yet, I was leaving soon to go back to college. We had to end it.

1998 was a VERY hard year for me. I had a really tough time in a relationship and I spent the summer in Houston, Texas with my aunt. This summer will forever be etched as a painful memory, but I will ALWAYS cherish and remember what a good friend you were to me that year. Even though we weren’t together, I could call you about anything and everything! At the end of the school year that year you even drove to New Hampshire twice to see me. Once leaving at like 2 am because I had gotten into a fight with my boyfriend at the time and I needed a friend. And the other, you came to see me in Anything Goes with the Peterborough Players. That was the year you got appendicitis and I thought you were mad at me because you hadn’t called or answered my calls. But, no, you were just extremely ill and in the hospital!

I graduated college in May of 1999. The first thing I did was pack my bags and move back to Pittsfield. I needed to be near you, even though I promised Christine I’d stay away from you. It wasn’t long and we were dating again. However, things weren’t quite the same and we broke up… until the day I walked into Barnes & Noble and you told me you were joining the Marine Corps. We made plans to hang out as much as possible before you left, which resulted in us dating again…and we dated through you going to boot camp.

School, however, was tough. You signed up for training for Ground Radio Repair that took you to 29 Palms, California for a year. This was hard on us. Things were said and done that I know both of us regret, and we broke up.

February 2001. I was working at So Fun Kids at the Lee outlets and you were working at the Record Outlet. Even the thought of you made my blood boil and not in a good way. You were under my skin and we did not get along! I was headed to work one morning and you were behind me at Dunkin’ Donuts. UGH! What a way to start the day, by seeing your face before I even had my coffee! (haha) Then, I was on a ladder, hanging a sign at work and a co-worker says to me, “Oh my God!!! There is a wicked hot guy outside… Oh my God, he’s coming in here!!!”. Naturally I look, UGH! It was YOU! I said, “That’s my ex”… You threw some money at me that you owed me for a phone bill and left. Two times in one day, thank God it was a Friday and I was going out drinking that night.

Which you were there! What the heck??? How could you even dare to ruin my night as well? Well, I just made sure that you were aware that I was having a great time with out you. And well, you acted the same. Yah, I noticed, how could I not, you always seemed to be in my line of sight, and you looked REALLY good!

I noticed you sitting alone and not looking so well. Guess you drank too much showing off. I sat with you, you threw up… and then I took you home. You threw up again. And I brought you to your room. I laid with you and you wrapped your arms around me and said “Don’t ever leave again”.

Fast forward a year. We moved to Maine and you got called to active duty for Operation Enduring Freedom. You were headed to Camp Lejune for training and then scheduled to go to Afghanistan. We stayed with your parents a few nights so you could say goodbye to them before meeting with your platoon in Worcester. You were leaving very early in the morning and on your way out as you kissed me goodbye you said, “Marry me when I get home!”… of course I said yes!

March 2002, you had already been in North Carolina since January, there was no talk of when you would be home. One day it was 6 months, another it was a year or two. The only thing we knew so far is that you were staying state side and filling in there while other troops were staying in Afghanistan and I was planning on visiting you over Easter weekend.

While excitingly talking to you about seeing you, you casually mentioned getting married while I was there. I got off the phone and told my mom you said the most ridiculous thing. However, as my mom and I talked about it, it wasn’t ridiculous. It was a great idea! I couldn’t plan a wedding when I didn’t know when you’d be home. And my family was in Maine and yours in Massachusetts. Part of my family is Jehovah Witnesses and yours are Catholic… where would we get married? So that settled it, in 3 weeks time we got our birth certificates, our marriage license, a suite, a dress, some flowers and 2 gold wedding bands. Choosing the date was easy. I was flying down on Thursday, the 28th, Friday was good Friday and the magistrate’s office was closed, as were they closed on the weekend. Sunday was Easter, and I was flying back on Tuesday, April 2nd. Guess that means we’d get married on April 1st, 2002.

With last minute plans my mom and her friend’s daughter, Jessica flew down to North Carolina and your parents, sister and her fiancé drove down and they witnessed us standing in that cement walled office with the coffee maker behind me, say our vows and become a married couple.

You came home before Christmas 2002 and life was pretty perfect! Until I almost lost you in March 2003. You weren’t feeling well and we thought you had pneumonia. I thought you were feeling run down because you hadn’t been running three times a week like when you were on active duty and I told you to get some exercise and shovel the driveway! You were pretty tired because you had gone back to college and were working part time. I’ll never forget the hell we went through when you collapsed on the stairs and couldn’t move. I rushed you to the ER where I waited for hours before they let me back in the exam room. You were pale and had wires and tubes everywhere and they were prepping you to fly to a bigger hospital. They had no idea why, but your EKG was all messed up. It had started to snow, so no helicopter ride for you, they took you by ambulance to Mid Maine in Bangor. I arrived shortly after you did where you were told you were having a heart attack. The right front artery was 100% blocked. You were headed to the OR for a cardiac catheterization and having a stent put in. Later we were told that you were probably experiencing slight heart attacks for a week and that is why you hadn’t been feeling well. I shiver to think what would have happened if you had just pulled over to the side of the road to take that nap as you had wanted to on your way home from work the night before.

In August 2003 we decided that it was time for our family of 2 to attempt to be a family of 3 and we began trying to conceive.

Who would have ever guessed that we would experience infertility? We didn’t even think that was an issue for a couple years. We thought we were too busy, too stressed, not in the right place, we had many excuses and thought we’d get pregnant when we got pregnant.

January 2005, we moved to Maryland with my job.

In October 2006 we bought our first home. Here we were, settled! And still not pregnant. Thus began a VERY rocky road in our marriage. I wanted a baby and I didn’t care what it took to have one. You wanted a child, but thought it would happen if it was meant to happen. Back and forth we discussed what we wanted. And maybe I did “get my way”, and yes, I am spoiled, but we started off by telling my gynecologist that it had been since 2003 that we hadn’t used any protection and still wasn’t pregnant.

Another year passed and we found ourselves at a consultation with an Reproductive Endocrinologist at Shady Grove Fertility Clinic (November 2007). You had recently lost your grandfather and while we sat in that office you said something to the doctor that made me fall in love with you all over again. You told Dr. Mottla that you didn’t care what it took to have a family, family is important and you want to carry on the Sayers’ name, you wanted a baby.

In January 2008 we found out we were pregnant after an IUI. You had put up with my clomid crazies for nearly a year, you had done what you originally thought you would never do, you left it up to science to start our family. And we couldn’t be happier! We told everyone right away and we counted down the days until ultrasounds. Until, February 4, 2008 when I noticed I was bleeding when I left work. You rushed to the ER and met me there. We sat in the ultrasound room for hours while that poor ultrasound tech searched and searched for evidence of our baby still alive. I was 7 weeks along and we were scheduling a D&C because there was no heartbeat and there had been no evidence of growth since our last ultrasound at 6 weeks.

You stayed by my side and were there for me every minute. Your heart was broken into a thousand pieces and yet, you remained strong for me. I was able to cry to you, yell and scream. I was experiencing the most pain I had ever gone through physically and emotionally and you made it your job to keep my chin up and make me smile every day.

The healing was hard for both of us. And when I was ready to try again, you weren’t quite ready. You still needed to mourn the loss of our first baby.

In June 2008 we tried again with the IUI. And we were successful again. And we were NERVOUS! Of course I spotted nearly every day and panicked every day. We had ultra sounds at 4, 5, 6 and 8 weeks. And our baby had a beautiful heartbeat each and every time. 12 weeks passed and we took a breath of relief that we were past the 1st trimester. And we smiled every day at my growing belly… that was growing fast!

I have never felt so beautiful as when I was pregnant and by your side. To know I was carrying the life that we created made my heart swell with joy to be your wife and the mother of your child. And then we found out it was going to be a boy! And we smiled even more!

Looking back at all we’ve been through, one would think we’d been through enough. That you and I had seen our fair share of hard times. That we had experienced hurt, pain and our relationship was tried enough. And through all the trails and tribulations, we pulled out ahead, stronger and more in love.

Some people think that when you experience something “hard” it’s just preparing you for something that’s going to be harder later in life. Isn’t that the truth!

December 13, 2008 I went into labor. I wasn’t due until March 9, 2009. It was your turn to be by my side as I was in the hospital bed, hooked to machines, and IV’s as we didn’t know what was going on.

At 5:32 am our son was born. Aidan Christopher. I watched your face as he was born. I could see the pride shining over the fear. You were the first to see our 2 ½ pound miracle. And you were strong for both of us.

I remember you were afraid to hold Aidan in the NICU because he was so small. But you also wanted me to get the chance to hold him if we were only allowed to hold him once that day. You were my rock each and every day for the 66 days Aidan was in the NICU. And I watched you change again.

I remember seeing you more as a man when you joined the Marines. I saw you change when you had your heart attack; you didn’t take much for granted. I saw you change when we experienced the miscarriage; there was a softer side to you. I saw you change from someone that felt faint in hospitals to someone that watched a tiny life be born way too early and you were there for Aidan while they were working on him. And I saw you grow into a FATHER at the NICU.

There were times when instead of looking at Aidan, I would watch you. I could see tears welling up in your eyes because you were so scared, yet proud and so in love with your son.

Over the past 18 months I have been blessed to be apart of this family. I love watching you play with Aidan and trying to teach him things, whether it’s helping him walk, play with the dog or teaching him how to use the mixer on the computer.

And my all time favorite thing about you being a father is hearing you tell our son you love him! It melts my heart!

I am so proud of you, Chris. I am proud of you as a Marine, as a husband and most definitely as a father!

And no matter what we’ve been through, or what lies ahead, it has been worth it!

I love you! Happy Father’s Day!

1 comment:

Shelley said...

Jaime you are awesome for writing this. What a story you three have. You brought happy tears to my eyes and I'm honored to know the Sayers family. Happy father's day Chris!